dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
