you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
