My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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