he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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