You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
