Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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