um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
