I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize