she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
