You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
