Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
