I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
