All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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