remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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