I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize