Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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