walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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