he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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