I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
