naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
not ubering you a puppy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
