so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
