ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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