girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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