Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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