Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a hot homeless man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
