Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
