I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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