She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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