I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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