security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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