Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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