i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
