no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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