im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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