You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
