btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize