She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
