took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
