problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
