I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
