So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
