I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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