i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
