Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
