A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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