Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
