Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
