theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize