The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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