yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
