Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize