I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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