70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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