Do you still have your period?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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