More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
