I don't usually arrange sex via text message
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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