I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
4 words: hood of his car
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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