Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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