Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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