I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
