Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
