Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
