Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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