I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
