my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
