Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
