I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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