I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
