super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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